Dealing with disappointment

[Music] don't believe [Music] I think we need to kick off yeah and welcome to another episode of don't be a door stop um as always welcome back if this is uh your um one of many videos we really appreciate that you're here and if it's and if this is your first video um then welcome we are don't be a dust up we love talking about purpose business life emotions um so this week um it's fascinating that sometimes um some of these podcasts become routine.

Also about being authentic so if you're feeling sad then it's fine to say that you're sad yeah and kind of be mindful of course feeling inside but don't feel any responsibility to change that anyway let's go on and let's go you know towards the balance right yeah it probably doesn't help that I'm wearing my uh comfy clothes which is my um or something is it called a snood or was that this isn't it it's a just a hoodie.

Obviously not okay it's always randomly snows in March the only reason why I remember that or late February is because I remember hockey games getting called off randomly March in the Feb yeah I always anticipate it around now yeah it gets lighter so you're like it might be getting warmer I might be able to wear my shorts soon and then it just goes cold and it changes isn't it talking about hockey a few things that um we'll document rather than create.

Competitive is probably because I don't want to be disappointed that I'm putting in a bunch of energy and then I don't um I don't succeed or I don't win um yeah yeah so therefore I kind of take them and I'm I'm a fine loser I'm a fine winner as well I'm not arrogant in any way but I like playing mind games a little bit because it's just more entertaining um but I recognize I don't always like push uh that extra five percent that.

Basically will always stay a consistent kind of like level unless I push and give a little bit more um every so often and so I'm opening up myself to more disappointment in doing that but I'm trying to balance on the the benefit my thinking and my and the process of that the benefit of doing that um so like what's your thoughts on that and then I want to share about like if you're doing like basically I want to.

Running costs cross country can't even speak yeah and it's connecting and stuff like that for school so I have done individual sports from a school level but more on a club level uh a national level uh International level it's hockey it's been a team sport so we were talking about this during the week I think I was basically saying in a weird way and I had these discussions in the past with with a ex-boss saying well if you like control.

Performing then it can be very frustrating but equally if you flip up on the other side if you have a really bad game and everyone else plays well and you overall win you'll get carried through from a team perspective it only gets irritating if it's let's say a cup game or a very important League game um but a lot of the time it probably levels itself out um you can't perform all the time necessarily yeah I think things like.

Sort of first mindset before then his coach told him that he needs to involve the team a lot more so I think as I've sort of matured and not feel like I'm against everyone to to be the best I think it's definitely helped because then you can tweak different players mindsets or thoughts or positions or or passes and stuff like that so you bring on more of a assistant coach mindset to the table because then you can both help each other out by.

Happy to pass on someone else but equally if you wanted your stats to do really well to get into a higher up team or an international team or if you get scouted it's probably more football than hockey with scouting it is so easy to be selfish because they'll be looking at your goals more so or your sits rather than you doing a as they call a pre-assist nowadays which is like assist before the assist yeah yeah even though they count it you know in.

Today so um yeah it is very interesting I think I remember playing a game for Wales mixed um hockey and I remember literally giving everything to the point that I nearly had to crawl off the pitch and I was so mentally and emotionally drained because I think if I remember correctly it was it was two games over a weekend one game on a Saturday one game on Sunday and I remember I think we won the first game on the Saturday I was Captain in that.

That we're not gonna get smashed or or lose every year that there is that hope that you can win one game so next it's win two games or win one and draw one to overall win and I remember just I think I was walking near the back to the hotel or to the train station this was back when I was based in Nottingham but I had to travel to Cardiff because it was a home game that year I remember.

A loss in like a final because you're like I gave everything and it still wasn't enough um obviously when you recover and you're like fair enough they won it and you could take on the chin a lot more but it is interesting when it's it's in the heat at the moment when you've literally given every using all your experience all the emotion all your mindset all your body and it's still not enough or it is enough and it's the overwhelm of the.

Should probably be better in an hour or two's time after you've had a Coke and had some crisps or something to detox but actually in that moment with sugar and sugar yeah it's like in the moment you're just emotional so you're not gonna get a very um specific way of this is how you do this is where we went wrong detailed Viewpoint um so you do have to sort of take a step back and it is interesting that you tend.

You would teach you like push your kids and well not push whether or not you would um encourage kids into um into a team sport or an individual sport but before we get to that the mindset stuff so I've been thinking a lot about my own my own experience as well as asking my um try plus two Athlon friend my pentathlon guy uh Jack basically uh really the Baseline for anything is first try and weed out the um.

Hitting so they're return right so steps ahead in the thinking process which ultimately leads to this idea of control and then you can control the game in such a way that you can win so first eradicate fail like mistakes and your own your own mistakes then perfect a skill so you can kind of like think ahead position it where you want to like you can control okay I'm thinking I want to put it over here and it's going to.

What would you say are like some of the layers to be like a successful team player and I would say um pretend you're in an ideal state where everything goes to plan where you where you do have control so maybe it's more SIM from like a management or like a captain type level to kind of go through a positive thing where if you're going to blueprint to like from zero to a win this is what all the consecutive.

I'll always tend to aim to be the fittest on the pitch that was always my goal preferably if not like 10 over the first person on the pitch so then you know you've got enough in your tank if because mistakes will naturally happen we're humans so you might let in a goal but if you've got that extra 10 Fitness more than someone else you can then push even harder um to get that goal from that mistake so then you're alleviating some.

Of the time or or take on or do skill um so that's a little bit more difficult so the skill is easier because that's you can practice that at home you can practice on the road you can practice anywhere decision making is tough because um either you're in the zone with people um sorry you're on the same mindset as someone or you're not and it's building that relationship up that you know when I get into this scenario I'm more likely.

Because some people communicate more some people communicate less and you just sort of need a mind read and I think um you don't realize when you do find an amazing partnership or or with different teammates it's like gold dust because I remember being in a partnership with um Matt from school so he he was going through the ranks with me he was a forward and I was a Winger um to my knowledge I don't think we really spoke that much but yeah we just.

Would still be thinking very similar and I think stuff like that it's like gold dust for like any any form of leave from Sunday leave just like an Unwritten culture that you can click into yeah that's then yeah creating the plays that gives you the goals which like is a route one kind of thing yeah and I think that's the thing is it's quite sometimes I'm not even sure if it's fully possible to cultivate that or if it's.

Getting two right arms that's useless you might as well get one right and one left and make them work together I think it's finding out what that looks like um which is always quite tough yeah but yeah so that's some of the starting points and then after that it's probably a lot of tactics so when you attack or when you defend um when you sort of hold back and rest that you might be taking on a lot pressure when you press the opposition.

Necessarily just the next shot but it's kind of like one two three four like a a four-step combo or like longer combos with in partnership with others and then it's more so high level strategic kind of like um chess game of like multiple people multiple things so depending on what scenario you're currently in you would therefore match scenario a with like offense a defense or or offense like attacking or defending for Like A or B so then you'd have this like strategic.

Of hockey or if it's just the different teams I played for but as I first started it was very much um follow these cones do these routines on the pitch and it'll work but then as time's gone on they've changed it from instead of telling you go from A to B to C and that's what you should do um they just tend to place scenarios of three on three two on three one-on-one so then it's building up what do you do.

If that cone system doesn't work then you're stuck because you're not actually thinking on the pitch you become sort of a robot trying to mimic something that is quite hard to sometimes mimic so real realism realism to the scenarios of the actual day yeah which gives you the best approach from a mindset of like the speed of your or of your decision uh decision making yeah yeah and that's the thing is the more experience comes the more your.

As you get older you you might learn that along the way or go to other teams to then pinpoint yeah so it is interesting it's what what are you aiming to do as a team as well it might be all about you guys performing well so sometimes you can perform well but still lose a game other times you might be just winning a game and actually you could perform bad and win a game and that's the thing is what.

Training pitch yeah I think um taking this forward to one quick question is basically when you have kids will you put them into a team sport or an individual sport both probably could probably just see what what they enjoy and what they like because some things clicks some things don't um and it's more just what do they I think I'm not particularly as bothered them playing Super professional because I know how much taxing it is and the cost and the on Body Mind whatever but.

Like two things that have come to mind with having kids is one putting them into some sort of debating uh debating class or something so they can um like critically think take ideas break them down figure out what works like and then feedback rationale and stuff and challenge things so I think debating things for like a confidence perspective is good and then the second part is I definitely think an individual sport yes they can definitely do whatever they want.

Obviously emotions is a spectrum and it's okay to feel all of the all of the Spectrum in moderation in like dosages that are like you know uh manageable because you recognize then that it's probably because you cared or like it's kind of like rolling down like okay I feel sad and disappointed why is that well actually it's because I cared and I tried my best and I did put in more effort and I was trying to give it my.

Business or even employment generally speaking like firstly I was talking about you know eradicating your mistakes so like in business generally speaking you will make mistakes and the way to eradicate those is something like checklists one thing we used to have in the digital agency was a release checklist of things we would make sure that the website had before we would publish it live because a lot of the time we would forget one thing and that one time you forget it.

Efficient efficient efficient and efficient yeah with the consecutive efficiencies and they were like what's my take on days off and I'm like did you reply yeah I did I was like days off are super important if you don't plan days off your body will plan days off for you in other words if you don't listen to your brain or like preemptively tell your brain hey we need to take time off or whatever your brain can like keep going right but you bring can't keep.

Already done after the burnout after the like tiredness and stuff so you want to preemptively do it so then you never get this like hit rock bottom that you're always kind of like you know that Flappy Birds game you're always putting in energy so it keeps up um because that's ultimately what what we are right we're we're energy um buckets basically so you want to kind of like keep on putting in energy in whatever way that is if it's a holiday.

Information and and resources and stuff and learn and it's like learning or like sharing problems is not a failure we're not meant to or have it all solved by ourselves I would say like if you're um if you're the like you want to kind of typically hire hire people that are better better than you right so that must mean that like you won't know everything so if that's good enough for Jeff Bezos or um Apple um Steve Jobs or.

Of pushing through um but yeah maybe that's another podcast for another day well that's it right like this like with disappointment typically if you just keep on pushing through and never process it then it you never get the um the learning or the Golden Nugget or the positive angle to it that kind of gives you the energy like Flappy Birds to kind of keep going so is it that you know in an emotional state it's much more about reflection.

Talking all this stuff out and processing it as you know like Tom and I are pretty open about emotional side of stuff and we're probably um I've got that because we want to better ourselves an improvement so if you want to improve yourself surely the emotional segment of the pie is something that you should work on otherwise you're not getting your full capacity because your logic side is one aspect your emotional side is there's another aspect and you're made of both aspects right so.

We should put in Whoever has um gracefully um sponsored us um for this for this month roll the tape foreign [Music] Welsh Wednesdays carry your mind um Imagination in it um metal um uh best team um my papa thread the gadelva medal um doll events you know yeah um strategies yeah um badminton um I didn't mean um the removal um foreign effort um so sit or tea and dalya have our disappointment and um disappointment um [Laughter] doing processing yeah.

Danny De guacia um and Dusky I can perfect awadin then um and generally um do we have um situations Sin Sin cray um private or disappointment um I have with Tweedy um kind of day but disappointment at the forbeth negative and with [Music] um or um like put off um can just disappointment um near disappointment dig with um um analyze your um um opinions of popular and boys opinions um disappointment them boy a demoi then um disappointment I heard my camera v.

Yeah yeah um but yeah so manyan tamla umatic I've done I've done um level come right knee yeah and um and foreign he uh methi ee methi yeah done increa um sponsored by Google translator so yeah do we meddle with him um you know foreign [Music] foreign [Music] introvert [Laughter] of the team um them and Sarah can write have affinity um introvert are dyslexic 103 Asia Mint or Dan radar that's my um and gov in question or how do you think or even.

Somewhere that's why you have to bring it back you have to bring it back so much asking um a summit the sigh of line or ah no but the thing oh yeah I think a crop or friola I don't know um.